Pot Trek
by Illogic's Lovechild Chevara
Summary: The Trek crew gets high..finally!
1. The Find That Scotty Found

--------------------Pot Trek--------------------  
-to boldly smoke where no man has smoked before-  
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---a sick, twisted creation from cheVara chAn---  
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Disclaimer:  
  
I don't own the characters, Paramount does...I just own the pot...okay, maybe I don't own that neither...  
  
It is such a shame they never made the Trek crew get high...they never played with them quite enough so I guess a sick chick like me has to...  
  
Here ye go, enjoy!!  
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Chapter 1  
The Find That Scotty Found  
  
Scott examined the bag of green stuff he found in the corner of the transporter.  
  
"Interesting..." he said to himself as he went to show his find off. "I dunno what it is, but it's very interesting..."  
  
He found Spock in a corridor, so he decided to ask him what it was.  
  
"Mr. Spock, do ye know what this is??" Scotty asked.  
  
Spock took the bag from Scotty's hands to examine it.  
  
"This is marijuana," Spock said.  
  
"Mari-whatta??" Scott asked, puzzled.  
  
"Marijuana," Spock repeated himself.  
  
"What is that??" Scott asked.  
  
"I'm not for certain. I think I read somewhere that it is to be smoked," Spock explained.  
  
"Maybe we should smoke it and find out what happens," Scotty suggested.  
  
"Sounds logical," Spock said as he handed the bag back to Scott.  
  
Scott spent a little while in his quarters, rolling the pot, until he had enough joints (and extra) for the crew. When he got his joints rolled, he took them to the bridge.  
  
"Captain Kirk!! Do I have a surprise for ye??" Scott exclaimed, waving the marijuana cigarettes in the air.  
  
"What are those, Mr. Scott??" Kirk asked.  
  
"Marijuana!" Scott exclaimed.  
  
"What is marijuana??" Kirk asked.  
  
"I dunno exactly. I found it on the transporter, and Spock said that it's supposed to be smoked," Scott explained.  
  
"Okay, I think I'll have one," Kirk said as he took a joint from Scotty. 


	2. Light It Up And Take A Puff...Pass It To...

Chapter 2  
Light It Up and Take a Puff...Pass It To Kirk NOW  
  
"I think I'll have one of those, too," Sulu said.  
  
"Me, too," said Chekov as he took a pot cigarette from Scotty.  
  
"Count me in," Uhura smiled as she took one.  
  
Scotty passed his joints out to the entire bridge crew, Kirk, Spock, Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, himself, and even to some of the losers that are there for one episode that you never really get to know. But what about Dr. McCoy?? Nah...he was busy doing a surgery in the sick bay...better not disturb him.  
  
"Anyone got something to light these with??" Kirk asked.  
  
"Good greif, I find something that is supposed to be smoked and no lighter to light it with," Scotty said.  
  
"Maybe we could set a phaser on a low setting and use it to light these suckers with," Sulu suggested.  
  
"Splendid thinking, Mr. Sulu. May I borrow your phaser??" Kirk asked.  
  
"Aye, Captain," Sulu said as he got up from his chair to give Kirk his phaser.  
  
Kirk set the phaser on the lowest setting and fired at the end of the cigarette.  
  
Success!!! So he passed the phaser around...and soon everyone was lit...and ready to get high as the sky... 


	3. I Was Gonna Run A Starship...But Then I ...

Chapter 3  
I Was Gonna Run A Starship, But Then I Got High...  
  
The crew was smoking their pot. So, you can guess what happened next.  
  
DiSoRiEnTaTiOn! CaReLeSs/IdIoTiC bEhAvIoR! And eventually...(dum dum dum)...DiSaStEr!  
  
"Captain, may I take my shirt off and try and stab you with my sword like I did that other time???" Sulu asked. (Author's note: "The Naked Time" is one of my fave episodes.)  
  
"Go ahead, Mr. Sulu. It's your birthday party," Kirk said. "I think I'll take my shirt off...it's hot in here...and my pants."  
  
So Kirk took his clothes off, and walked around in his red g-string and his boots.  
  
"Mr. Spock, do these boots make my feet look too long??" Kirk asked his usually straight-faced first officer, who was now smiling. (Another author's note: I don't know the effects of marijuana on a Vulcan...)  
  
"No, Jimmy, but those panties ya got on make something else look too long..." Spock grinned. "And I have to admit I'm a little jealous..."  
  
"Is anyone else in here seeing things differently??" Uhura asked. "And DAMN I'M HUNGRY!! I'm going to get a bag of Doritos or something, cause I am StArVeD!!"  
  
"Go ahead, Miss Uhura...and then when you come back, can we get it on in a closet or in the bathroom??" Kirk asked. "Cause you may be hungry, my child, but I'm HoRnY!! Damn, this mari-jew-wana is groovy!!"  
  
"I admit, Jim, I'm in a state of euphoria," Spock smiled.  
  
"I saw mommy keesing Santa Claus...underneath the meestletoe last night..." Chekov began to sing. "Vhat a laugh it vould have been...if daddy had valked in...and saw mommy keesing Santa Claus last night!!" (Another author's note: I don't really know if these are the right lyrics to "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"...but it don't matter if they're right because Chekov's high anyway!)  
  
"Chekov, ye are makin me *wanna do it* right now. May I ride ye like a mechanical pony outside of a grocery store??" Scott asked as he walked over to Chekov and licked his face.  
  
"Yah," Chekov smiled as he walked hand in hand with Scott to his quarters.  
  
A few minutes later, Sulu came back, wearing a pair of white karate pants with a karate belt, and swinging his infamous fencing sword.  
  
"Look at me, mommy!! I'm Jackie Chan!! Heeeeee-yaaaah!!" Sulu said as he kicked and punched and leaped through the air, waving his sword.  
  
"Mr. Sulu, did you ever realize how sexy you look when you wave your sword around like so??" Spock said as he looked up at Sulu, leaping through the air like he just didn't care.  
  
"Yeah, I realize it. And I also realize it every morning when I look in the mirror to fix my hair side-parted with one goofy piece hanging down in the front," Sulu smiled. (Yet another author's note: I had to mention Sulu's hairstyle...it is pretty cute though..)  
  
Suddenly, Spock broke down and began to cry.  
  
"What do you people think you're doin?? YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!! YOU HATE ME, ALL YOU PEOPLE HATE ME!!! You think the pointy-eared guy don't deserve to live, but I'll tell you...ALL I EVER WANTED WAS SOMEONE TO LOVE!!! NO ONE LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM, THEY JUST LOVE THE FINE ASS VULCAN THEY SEE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!" Spock wailed.  
  
"Don't do that, Mr. Spock. You're creating a bad image for yourself," Kirk said.  
  
"I think it's pon farr time for him again," Sulu said as he did another daring jump through the air.  
  
Then, Uhura came back with a jumbo bag of Doritos (Cooler Ranch of course!) and a two liter bottle of Mountain Dew.  
  
"You touch my food, you die...and I mean you, Mr. Sulu!!" Uhura warned as she sat down on the floor to eat her food.  
  
She consumed the whole bag of Doritos in five minutes, and drunk half of the pop.  
  
Suddenly, Sulu came crashing down from one of his leaps, kicking Uhura's Mountain Dew over, and stabbing Mr. Spock in the side with his sword.  
  
"Sulu, you idiot!! You spilled my soda all over my pretty dress!!" Uhura began crying. "And you hurt Spock!!"  
  
"I guess we can't have sex like we planned," Kirk said to Uhura. "It's okay, I understand."  
  
Right then, Dr. McCoy, the only trekker who wasn't high, walked in. He was planning on telling the crew that he saved the dude he was operating on, but things didn't really go as planned...  
  
"Jim, what is going on in here?? Where's Chekov and Scott?? Why is Sulu out of uniform?? Why are YOU out of uniform?? And what the hell happened to Mr. Spock??" McCoy asked.  
  
"Bones, Bones, Bonesie, it's allright. Here, have one of these," Kirk said as he handed McCoy a joint.  
  
"So this is what happened to you all?? MARIJUANA!!" McCoy said.  
  
"I see you've heard of it, Bones," Kirk smiled. "Now I gotta ask you something. Spock didn't give me an honest answer. Do these shoes make my feet look too long??"  
  
"I don't give a damn about your feet, Jim. I'm getting every one of you all into the sick bay!!" 


	4. Roll The Video (And The Moral To This St...

Chapter 4  
Roll The Video (And There's A Moral To The Story)  
  
McCoy gathered up all the pot-affected trekkers and then shot the high-as-heck crew members with a tranquilizer, so they could get some sleep, and so they could leave him alone while he stitched up the Sulu-inflicted hole in Spock's side.  
  
A little bit later on the very next day...  
  
The crew woke up.  
  
"What did I do yesterday??" Kirk asked.  
  
"You smoked pot," McCoy said.  
  
"I feel like a shuttlecraft ran me over," Sulu said.  
  
"It seemed logical at the time..." Spock said.  
  
"Aye, I feel kinda...sore," Scotty said.  
  
"I feel sore as vell," Chekov said.  
  
"Do I look fatter than normal??" Uhura asked.  
  
"A little..." Kirk said.  
  
"Well, that thong doesn't look too hot on you neither, Captain," Uhura retorted.  
  
"I'm wearing a thong??" Kirk asked and then looked down. "Oh Lord..."  
  
"Do you wanna see some embarrassing video footage I found on the bridge??" McCoy asked.  
  
"What??" Kirk asked.  
  
"A video tape of your behavior yesterday...wanna watch??" McCoy asked.  
  
"What the hey, go ahead, roll the tape," Kirk said as McCoy popped the tape in the computer.  
  
They watched the tape...and got embarrassed of their behavior...and decided not to smoke marijuana ever again.  
  
*eNd*  
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So, kids, I hope you learned a lesson. If you find a bag of green stuff in the corner of your local transporter, please don't listen to your local Vulcan when he/she says to smoke it!!  
  
********This has been a public service announcement from cheVara********  
**We are not responsible for your behavior regarding this announcement**  
  
Have a nice day and please give me a review! 


End file.
